The Science Behind "Knowing Better" but Not Doing Better

Hey, my friend.

Most of my patients are highly intelligent and driven. They understand what helps to stay healthy: balanced nutrition, physical activity, improved sleep, stress management.

However, one of the most common barriers that they encounter is the disconnect between knowing and doing. This gap, known as value-behavior disconnection, is not a character flaw or a failure of willpower. It’s a predictable, well-documented challenge in behavioral psychology and habit change science.

In today’s newsletter, I’ll break down why this happens, what science says about it, and how you can begin to realign your actions with the values you already believe in.

What Is Value-Behavior Disconnection?

Value-behavior disconnection can be described as the disconnection between what we think is important (our values) and the actions we take in our day-to-day lives.

You might:

• Value long-term health but regularly miss workouts.

• Value mindfulness but spend hours scrolling on your phone.

• Value family bonds but work during dinner time most nights.

The Psychology Behind the Disconnect

Behavioral science provides a number of reasons why people, acting with good intentions, tend to behave contrary to their values:

1. Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort that occurs when our actions are not in line with our values. To solve this, the brain either justifies the action or suppresses awareness of the contradiction. This is protective, but it can stall progress if left unexamined.

2. Habit Loops and Automation

Research indicates that 40–45% of our daily actions are automatically influenced by habit and environmental cues, not conscious choice. Even when our values change, habits remain unless intentionally rewired.

3. Willpower Depletion

Research indicates that willpower is not something that we can depend on forever, it gets used up. As the day goes on, the more our mental load increases, the more difficult it becomes to make good decisions or avoid distractions. That is why we are more likely to skip the gym, snack mindlessly, or zone out in front of a screen in the evening.

4. Temporal Discounting

Our brains are wired to prioritize immediate comfort over long-term benefit. This is why we order takeout instead of cooking, or stay up late even knowing we need sleep.

These psychological forces are powerful but not permanent. With conscious structure, you can shift from default behaviors to value-aligned action.

Strategies for Closing the Gap

The following are some of the research-supported strategies that you can use to start closing the gap between your values and your everyday actions. Start with one, and build from there.

1. Clarify Your Core Values

Begin by identifying 2 or 3 values that are most important to your well-being such as health, balance, integrity or connection. Then ask this question: What does it look like to live this out today? The more clearly defined your values are, the more motivated and focused you can be.

2. Make Alignment Easy

• Design your environment to support your goals:
• Keep healthy snacks visible
• Set meditation or movement reminders
• Prep meals or clothes to remove decision fatigue

3. Start Small, Stay Consistent

The change of behavior starts with small steps. It may seem to be a small 5-minute walk, reading two pages of a book, or ten minutes without your phone. These might not appear to be much by themselves, but they develop confidence, and in the long run, they establish the foundation of more profound and permanent change.

4. Reflect, Don’t Judge

Do not be hard on yourself when things turn out not to be as expected. Pause and ask yourself: What got in the way? What could I do differently in the future? Compassionate reflection promotes development much better than humiliation.

5. Use Accountability Structures

Any kind of external accountability, be it a friend, a coach or even a basic app, can go a long way in ensuring that one adheres to the new habits. It relieves some of the burden of having to keep everything in your own head and provides a nudge to do it when you lack the motivation.

6. Reinforce Identity, Not Just Goals

Rather than saying, “I’m trying to eat better,” say, “I’m someone who takes care of my body through what I eat.” That small shift in language reflects a shift in identity, and when your actions align with who you believe you are, they tend to stick.

Final Thought

Value-behavior disconnection is not a problem that can be solved in a day, and that’s fine. It is a common aspect of humanity as it is influenced by our routines, emotions, stresses, and the high tempo of our contemporary life. The true change does not occur overnight. It begins with noticing where you're out of alignment.

What truly helps isn’t self-punishment or rigid discipline. It’s consistent awareness, thoughtful structure, and the right kind of support. Being honest about the gap between what you care about and how you're currently living is a powerful first step. So is offering yourself patience and grace as you work to close that gap.

— Dr. Jerome Puryear